I'm a Ninja; See Me Ninj! Or, Rather, Don't.

Across the multiverse (or at least across Teh Intrawebz) one question has long dominated all others.

 And it's not zombies versus unicorns, either; I think it's pretty obvious who would win that battle.

No. I'm talking about PIRATES VERSUS NINJAS.

And why ninjas are cooler.

They're everywhere.

That is a picture of a room full of ninjas. You can't see the ninjas. But the ninjas can see you. In that way, ninjas are kind of like chameleons. 

Except ninjas don't change colour, and chameleons don't suddenly appear out of nowhere and kill you. In those two ways, ninjas and chameleons aren't remotely alike. Also ninjas don't explode when placed on tartan.

Though a ninja chameleon would be pretty awesome. 

Don't ask why his ninja clothes don't turn him black. I don't know why his ninja clothes don't turn him black. 

Anyway. This invisibility and super stealth allows ninjas to be epic killing machines. And, given all this, there are still people who think pirates are better! 

I find this...

So to help these poor misguided souls, I'm providing a handy dandy chart that will serve to conclusively prove, once and for all, that ninjas totally pwn pirates. 

I feel this is my responsibility. Each number on the picture corresponds to a number on one of the charts.

As we can see, ninjas beat pirates six to one. This is only right and good. 

Note: I have heard some whisperings that imply that I only root for ninjas because I am one, and that is why I let them win. This, of course, is nonsense. I am of course not a ninja. 

You dare cast aspersions on my honesty and objectivity and impartiality and fairness, you die!

No, of course that ninja totally isn't me. *cough*

If I were a ninja, I would be this writer ninja: 

which is the kind of delightful ninja you get when you set Gmail to the ninja theme. Yup.

Anyway. Goodbye, my ninja-y little friends! Go out into the world and spread your ninja-ness! Go! Throw some shurikens! Kill some pirates! 

Be awesome.