Eragon Four

I don't know how I've missed this so long. I apparently totally do not have my finger on the pulse of the book world. But somebody on NaNoWriMo posted about it (thanks, Lady_Warrior!). I googled it, and apparently it's true. Yes, folks, Paolini's latest is coming out on November eighth. The announcement came complete with a rather uncreative title (Inheritance) and a cover with a picture of a slightly seasick looking dragon. I plan on reading this book, because it's no fun to mock something you haven't read. Also I confess I am rooting for Galby. But in the meantime, have a fake review featuring my predictions and opinions! (Um. Eragon Fans. You might not want to read what follows. You have been warned.)

Don't you think he looks seasick?

In Paolini's latest classic, Inheritance: The Story of Gary Stu and the Seasick Dragon of Doom, the incredibly skilled and handsome and SUPER SPESHUL Gary encounters arrogant elves, commits murder and torture in cold blood, teams up with a terrorist organisation to fight a good if mildly ineffectual king, and ends up with a beautiful hundred-year-old elf girl who should totally have known better, all with the help of his trusty dragon. When asked about this book, Paolini said, "Yeah, it's totally better than Tolkien or any of those old guys. I think the best part of my book is the ten thousand words I spend describing Gary's shoelace, but I also really love the bits where I take totally better fantasy novels and plagarise them to death. Also all the lyrical and beautiful parts... well what do you know! I just said that I liked the whole thing! Plus, Gary totally isn't like me because he lives in a fantasy world and I don't. Sure wish I was him, though!" While some readers might be put off by the length - a whopping fifty-thousand pages - we ask all to take pity on it because this author was fifteen when he began writing the first one, and it's utterly amazing that a fifteen-year-old boy could even write at all.

(What would appear on the back cover: "...incredibly skilled... beautiful... utterly amazing...") 

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