The Horcruxes of ZNZ, Part Three

On April 30th, I wrote a post. It was called "The Horcruxes of ZNZ, Part One," and in it I discussed what my Horcruxes would be were I a Dark witch in the world of Harry Potter.

It can be found HERE, and I recommend reading it now if you haven't already because if you don't this post won't make any sense. Then, go read the sequel HERE.

But I promised it would be a series of seven. Seven is the most powerfully magical number, and I wanted to have seven Horcruxes. That didn't happen, obviously, and I've been meaning to finish it for ages. Recently I put a poll in my sidebar about what this blog needs (you should go vote in that, BTW; there's 26 days left), and 60% of you, count 'em, 60%, think I should finish that. So here goes. (And those 80% of you who think I need more doodles - you'll probly like this too.)

I would like to introduce my third Horcrux. His name is William Shakespeare.

"But William Shakespeare is dead!" you cry. Well, yes. Yes, yes, Bill is dead. The Bard is dead, long live the Bard. So here's how I'm gonig to get around that teensy little problem. (CONVOLUTED PLOT ALERT. Bear with me, 'kay?)

Bill died on April 23, 1616, right in the middle of blowing out the candles on his birthday cake. (Bill was also born on April 23. Probably.)

 

So I'm going to use my Time-Turner 

to travel back in time to April 23, 1616. Right after he dies, I'm going to steal his body, and I'm going to replace it with a clever fake. 

There may be a little bit of difference, but it's only a little bit, and being dead changes people. I'm sure no one will think anything of it.

I'm going to take Bill's body back to the future/present, where I'll cryogenically freeze him, and then turn his body into a Horcrux. Then I'll take him into the future, when they've invented magical technology stuffs that can bring him back to life. He will, of course, freak out, but I'll carefully explain everything to him and I'm sure he'll understand. And I'll give him some books that my dad has about him. Everybody loves to read about themselves. And he'll live with me in my evil secret lair, where nobody will find him ever - certainly not Larry Otter. 

Then, there's one more thing to do. 

If Larry Otter and his buds, Donald Measley and Hermes Stranger

figure out what my Horcrux is, there's one place they're likely to go: Shakespeare's grave, the supposed location of his body. 

Image Source

Obviously, contained in that grave is the fake Shakespeare that I made. But I'm going to go back in time again and replace that with something far more sinister. You see those words on the grave? Not "THE GRAVE OF THE POET WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE 1564 - 1616." The other place. That's a verse written by Bill himself: 

Good friend, for Jesus' sake forebeare

To digg the dust enclosed heare;
 Bleste be the man that spares thes stones,
And curst be he that moves my bones.

Larry, Don, and Hermes would do well to heed that warning. Because inside Shakespeare's grave is A ROBOT PROGRAMMED TO KILL DON AND LARRY AND HERMES!!!!!!!

Yes, folks, it's the ShakespeareBot, and the magical Trio of magicfulness is deaded.

On the off chance that they survive that, they still won't be able to find Bill and me, and even if they do, I don't think Larry would be able to bring himself to kill someone who is totally innocent and not even evil and just a victim of circumstances. And even if he can, I'll just have Bill recite his poetry at them until they either fall asleep or run away. And if they fall asleep I can kill them.

SCORE:

The Magical Trio of Magicfulness: 0

ZNZ Who is Evil and Awesome: 3

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY